Why?

One of the things I tend to do is try to write for an audience, an audience that I don't know even exists. Will I publish this particular piece of writing? Will the audience I am trying to write for like it? What if they don't? What if they don't like the characters? There are several things I have recently discovered regarding this type of writing.

1. Writing with a specific audience in mind often makes me more nervous, causing the writing to stutter and then stop altogether. When I was younger, around 12 and 13, I simply wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote with no audience in mind. Now, I just decide what age group I plan to make this book available to and go from there. That age group can decide if the book suits them or not, no matter their personality or background, etc.
2. My characters go flat. I always have elaborate ideas in mind for my characters: the depressed 17-year-old living in a mental institute, the 17-year-old rape victim trying to pull her psyche back together, the 17-year-old drug addict trying to put his life back in order. After a few pages of the drama and background and insanity that is that particular character's life, they suddenly fall flat. They miraculously get better, they fall in love with this amazing guy without having any trust issues, or they just stop taking drugs simply out of sheer will-power that doesn't actually exist in this person's character. Talk about "god in the machine." My characters always manage to slip out of tight spots.
3. Worrying about publishing draws my writing to a stand-still most of the time. I worry if it's going to be good enough, if anyone will read it, and so on and so forth.

This year, I'm going to self publish because I recently won NaNoWriMo 2011. Along with the fabulous winner's certificate, I also received 5 free copies of my novel. The coupon is good until June 30, 2012. I have until that time to edit, proof, and publish my novel. And guess what? This year, I'm going to do it because I WANT TO. Not because I'm worried people won't like it. So, be prepared to join me on my journey to editting, proofing, and publishing my novel through CreateSpace.